The Gay Divorcee: A study of lesbian and gay breakups

Most of the discussion of the legal status of gay and lesbian partners has focused on marriage with all the rights and privileges that attend it. One of those rights - though we rarely mention it - is the right of access to the courts when a couple splits up. Under Vermont's new Civil Union law, the family court oversees the dissolution of a civil union, applying the same procedures that preside over the divorces of heterosexual married couples. But in the rest of the country, gay men and lesbians are coming together - and breaking apart - much as before.

In the coming years, many more states will be reconsidering the legal status of gay and lesbian partners. Whether or not they follow Vermont's model, states will need to address the role of the courts in helping gay men and lesbians to dissolve their committed relationships. What might such "dissolution" laws look like? Will same-sex couples use the divorce model already in place? Or can we devise other models? How important is it that we gain access to the courts at all? How do we feel about including the state in what has usually been the private process of breaking up?

The time has come to extend the gay marriage discussion to marriage's least romantic component: divorce. For a study of same-sex breakups, I am soliciting personal accounts from gay men and lesbians about their experiences in dissolving their domestic lives, disentangling their property interests, and accommodating the needs of their children.

I am conducting confidential interviews throughout the country, in person or by telephone, and I am inviting gay men and women of all ages to participate. I am also asking people to contribute by answering the on-line survey here on this web site.

Material from the survey and interviews will be used in a book about how gay men and lesbians separate when they don't have access to all the services that the law provides for their heterosexual counterparts. Names and identifying details will be suppressed to preserve anonymity.

In addition to interviewing people who have a breakup story, I am interested in speaking to mediators, therapists, clergy, lawyers, and judges who have assisted people in the process of breaking up. I am also interested in talking to parents who have watched a son or daughter end a committed relationship.

I urge you to participate. And I also invite you to help me to expand the network of people I talk to. If you know of therapists, mediators, lawyers, clergy, or others who you think I should talk to, please pass their names and numbers on to me or pass my project information on to them. You may email me at jacitron@comcast.net.